in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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