sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
