whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
