the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
