Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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