I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
