I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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