I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
