I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
