But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
