I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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