so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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