I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
