I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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