ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
