She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
