I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
