Need sex. Gaining weight.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
