I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
