Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
