This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
