dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You can't special order awesome
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
