fuck your aforementioned shoe
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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