Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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