her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
