I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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