It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
