Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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