I used to practice getting hit by cars.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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