I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
