my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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