you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
