if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
