I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
