My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
