Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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