Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
