He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
