Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
