While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
