I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
