I accidentally had phone sex last night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's the barista slut.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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