do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
