i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
