i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize