I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
