So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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