You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This house was built for laser tag.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
