eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
