How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
FUCK WHALES
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