I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
