I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
