Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
