Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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