they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
