Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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