my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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