I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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